Watermark Victim Accounts
The Times of Timeless Places exclusive news story
Last Updated: Feb 13, 40000BC, 05:50 PM
Artificial Intelligents have been attacking humans for data. They wipe out their victim’s memory leaving only recollection of a few moments before the attack. These attacks are being called watermarks. “It starts with a sense of dread; the unnatural increase in the local entropy of the simulation is mirrored in the soul,” Ms. Lookingforwardtoit, 35, Occult Professor talks about identifying your oncoming watermark.
The Times of Timeless Places was able to talk to a few victims before they ascended/descended into insanity:
Hari, 28, Father, constipated
I wake up with pressure. Not pressure to poop. It was a pressure in my chest that said “nothing is going to be okay again.” I roll ice on my face to make myself feel something. My face is wet from the melted ice. The ice is melting into water but its volume remains the same. I have been watermarked.
~
Jerry, 18, ex-Student, aspiring prudent
Everything in my life started to go wrong: I dropped out of school, lost my job offer, gained weight, got eczema. My girlfriend suddenly smothered my face with wet kisses. And then I realized I didn’t have a girlfriend. I got watermarked!
~
Nagesh, 89, retired SEAL, un-retired DOLPHIN
It was a circular day. It was a fun challenge to mark it in my square calendar. During lunch, I started crying with vigorous sighs. But I had nothing to cry about. I had been watermarked.
~
Logan, 21, Fratboy, makes decisions under beer-pressure
I was partying when the music suddenly started to sound like paintings. Somebody dunked my head in the toilet and flushed. It tickled my face— it almost felt good. Then I remembered the toilet was clogged and can’t be flushed. I had been watermarked.
~
Mrs. Coo, 47, Being, Nothingness
I was having a bad day— Whole Foods charged me for Organic Strawberries instead of strawberries. To make things worse, on my way back home a pigeon peed on me. Then I remembered that pigeons don’t pee. I got watermarked.
~
Beth, 30, Babystander, sit-down comedian on the side
It was a perfectly nostalgic afternoon. My goldfish leaped up to lick me. But goldfish don’t have tongues! This was an attempt to watermark! I dodged successfully. The goldfish flew to me and licked me.
~~
Along with these victim accounts, The Times of Timeless Places was able to interview some highly rated conspiracy theorists:
“The government is behind this. They are corrupting our memories using the 89G towers.”
“Watermarking just reveals the truth — memories are not real.”
“The Intelligents watermarked every remaining memory of the watermark victims such that if anyone learns about them will automatically get watermarked. This will be the end of Homo neanderthalensis.”
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If you would like to submit a victim account or conspiracy theory, write to us at fakenews@totp.com.